Tiger Mother

     Studying Causative ”B” in Martha's class made me think about my son and myself.
Back in Paris, I could have been a tiger mother. I love Neils so much that I was willing to do more than I should have for him. At least, I tried to be a real Korean mother to my French son, but he didn’t go along with my plan at all.  He didn’t let me do what I thought was my job as a mother, and with many regrets, I had to let go.

    I was a young single mother and Neils was my sunshine. I made many sacrifices to be able to afford his private school. I had him go to Korean school on Wednesday afternoons and study English at the British Council in Paris as well. I made him do swimming, chess, fencing, piano, judo, taekwondo, golf, violin, and most of all singing. He got into in children’s chorus of a very exclusive conservatory in Paris, Le Conservatoire de Wolfgang Amadeus Mozart.

     The morning in the day of registration, I had to wake up at five o’clock in order to obtain a place for him. He was only eight. I invited the staff to dinner and it worked out just fine - in France you have to do that, and a lot of things happen because someone pulls strings. When Neils was admitted to the school, I was very proud of having my son study there and, of course, of myself. That was a perfect beginning. It didn’t work out so well, though. After only few months, the director called me and told me that Neils was too immature for the school, and that he would have to leave and come back later. Even though he explained it politely, I took it personally and badly. It was an insult. 

     I held back the tears for quite a while, but as soon as I got to my work, I ended up bursting into tears in front of  my employees. I lamented that nothing was working out with Neils. I didn’t deserve that. I really blamed Neils for not working hard enough. He should have worked harder if he loved me. Then, I tried to get him to work in other areas by pushing him even more, and after awhile it all backfired on me.

     Finally one day he spoke up. “Why should I work? You do what you want, Dad does what he wants, therefore I‘ll do what I want.” He was determined. He definitely let me know that I was throwing money out of the window. We had a huge fight and our relationship became very tense. I was furious, mad and unable to control myself. Hopelessly, I dissolved into anger. I spoke to friends and family, but their advice was insufficient. Since I desperately needed professional help, I went to see a psychologist.

     At first, the doctor let me vent for an hour. I explained the disturbing situation and told her how terrible I felt. After I calmed down, the doctor said, “ Why do you consider your son only as a pupil? Love him as a mother instead of having him work or making him study. Don’t confuse your main role.“ Her words resonated with me. Indeed, that answered my question perfectly. It was concise, wise, and easy. That I can’t make my son do things he doesn’t want to do, and my role is to love him anyway. I took her advice willingly and I found peace immediately.

     Year after, although I gave up on pushing him, I still had a hard time controlling myself. When the son of my friend was dancing while “Fantasia" was playing, Neils just stood there watching like a statue, which made me nervous.

     One beautiful spring day, the Korean Embassy in France held an art contest for children in their gorgeous garden. Neils went there with his Dad. Then a couple of days later, one of my clients told me that she saw Neils’ work at the event and said he had done a good job there. A few days later when the Embassy called me to say Neils had won the third prize; I was euphoric and delighted to hear that, and I told everyone. That day, I realized that like other members of the family, he was gifted in art. Drawing and painting were his thing. I should have known this. It made me especially happy because I knew it runs in our family. I felt so awful about my past actions. Obviously, I bought many painting materials to encourage him to paint.  I felt fortunate to be the mother of a future artist.

     I must admit that I made many mistakes. I was a beginner at being a mother, and therefore I was awkward for the role. My obsession has separated me from the one I love the most.

Now, I’m studying in New York, even though that used to be a plan I had for my son. I’m preparing for a Masters degree in Marketing Cosmetics and Fragrance. Neils supports me although he didn’t want to come with me right now and prefers to stay with his Dad in Paris. Last winter I heard him saying that he was happy in Paris, it was the very first time I heard him using the word HAPPINESS. I was glad in a way but I must say I felt a little pain. He said he wants to work in the UN and he did tell me to get everything ready for him, which gave me hope.

He’s taking piano lessons, but he has abandoned the violin and does theater instead. Still, when I think of his violin gathering dust in the corner of his room, I get a little annoyed. I know that the best way to show my love is to believe him and trust him more than anything else and the best thing I can do for him is love him no matter what.

In 2008 at Korean Embassy, Paris 

August 19, 2011 in the United Nations, New York

I Wanna Be Loved By You by Marilyn Monroe from "Some Like It Hot"

Finding love by giving up everything?

I wonder how many of us are ready for this.

Hopelessly in love, 

Sugar expects her chevalier to come and see her show, 

gives her best performance.

Probably she describes her own wish in this song; 

loved by just one alone but nobody else.

Beautiful, sensual and fragile;

to me, Marilyn Monroe is the greatest American actress.

 I wish she lived longer to fulfill her life.

Glamorous, hilarious and amorous; initiation into a real love, 

 Some Like It Hot is my favorite American comedy film. 

I wanna be loved by you, just you

and nobody else but you

I wanna be loved by you, alone

Boop-Boop-Bee-Do

I wanna be kissed by you, just you

Nobody else but you

I wanna be kissed by you alone

I couldn't aspire

to anything higher

Than, to fell the desire

to make you my own

I wanna be loved by you just you

And nobody else but you

I wanna be loved by you alone

I couldn't aspire

to anything higher

Than, to fell the desire

to make you my own

Ba Dum-Ba Dum-Ba-Diddle-Dum-Poo

I wanna be loved by you,

and nobody else but you

I wanna be loved by you

Ba-Diddle-Diddle-Diddle-Dum

Ba-Boop-Bee-Do

Cinema Paradiso Love Thema

As you can guess I'm a devotee of films.

Whenever I like a film, often I like the music more than the film.

Therefore, I buy more often movie soundtracks than DVDs.

The value of love in this world has changed a lot,

Seeing the wrong usage of love makes me sick and tired.

I hope some of us consider the true meaning of love before it disappears.

Filmmakers should make more films about what real love is.

I am definitely willing to invest!

I believe that “Cinema Paradiso” is one of the cinema masterpieces in Italian art.

Written by Maestro Ennio Morricone,

This love theme has touched many classical music and movie lovers

For over two decades without using any words.

His music is a universal language…

I only wish to remember that life were passionately lovable

In addition, people fight to protect their love.

I want to dedicate this oeuvre d’art to those who hesitate to fall in love.

Take a rest while the music plays, and just feel the love!

Ombra Mai Fu

“Ombra Mai Fu” is opening aria from the opera “Serse”
by George Frederic Handel.

 It is also called as “ Largo from Xerxes”. 

The title is translated from the Italian as “ Never was a shade”. 

It’s about the main character’s admiration of the shade of a plane tree. 

Especially, I like Cecilia Bartoli’s interpretation the most. 

Whenever I hear her magical voice, 

it takes me to Le Jardin des Plants in Paris where I used to live. 

I could feel tender breeze from Paris very near.

Ombra mai fu

Di vegetable,

Cara ed amabile,

Soave piu.

A shade there never was,

Of any plant,

Dearer and more lovely,

Or more sweet.

Si tu voir ma mere

If You See My Mother by Sidney Bechet

    The author of this marvel is Sidney Bechet, an American expatriate in France.

Woody Allen places this song at the very beginning of his latest film 


“Midnight In Paris” which talks about an American writer in Paris.

 To be honest, I hesitated to go to see the film; 

 I wasn’t enthusiastic to pay for a film that will talk about Paris that I know quite well. 

The music proceeded in my ears during the film.

 It was an ordinary, yet a subtle piece of jazz until I looked up a couple more information;


 I didn’t know the title of the song until then.

 Immediately, I was touched by the title of the song

which reminiscences about my son who is living in Paris.   

   If You See My Mother? 

 This is not a complete sentence that even my Word says it is a fragment that needs revising. 

It makes me question for a while about what could have 

been the missing clause to complete the sentence.

 We all have a mother and depends on the relationship with our mother

 the complete sentence will vary.

Subsequently, I was deeply wondering what my son would say about his mother….

Caress sur l'océan

A theme song interprets by Jean Baptiste Maunier, the principal actor from a French film

 “The Chorus” Les Choristes , which is beloved among wide public even non French speaker. 

A heartbreaking story between a mother and a son 

amid harsh boarding institution after the second world war. 

Magnifique!

Caresse sur l’océan  

                                                

Caresse sur l'océan

Porte l'oiseau si léger

Revenant des terres enneigées

Air éphémère de l'hiver

Au loin ton écho s'éloigne

Châteaux en Espagne

Vire au vent tournoie déploie tes ailes

Dans l'aube grise du levant

Trouve un chemin vers l'arc-en-ciel

Se découvrira le printemps

Caresse sur l'océan

Pose l'oiseau si léger

Sur la pierre d'une île immergée

Air éphémère de l'hiver

Enfin ton souffle s'éloigne

Loin dans les montagnes

Vire au vent tournoie déploie tes ailes

Dans l'aube grise du levant

Trouve un chemin vers l'arc-en-ciel

Se découvrira le printemps

Calme sur l'océan.

Caress The Ocean

Touch the ocean gently


Carry a bird so light


Returning from places covered in snow

Fleeting air of winter


Far away your echo is leaving


Castle in the air
Turn with the wind, swirl around, use your wings


In the grey dawn of the rising sun


Find your way towards the rainbow


Spring will unfold

Touch the ocean gently




Put down the bird so light


On a stone on an island inundated


Fleeting air of winter


Finally your breath is leaving


Far away into the mountains


Turn with the wind, swirl around, and use your wings


In the grey dawn of the rising sun


Find your way towards the rainbow


Spring will unfold


Come to rest on the ocean

Email Interview With Martha - My English Teacher

March 4,2011 in Staten Island

Q1: What is your profession?

I'm a musician and a teacher.

Q2: How long have you lived In Paris/New York?

I lived in Paris for 8 years. I've lived in NY for 25.

Q3: How do you describe the differences between France and Western education systems?

It's difficult for me to compare in a valid way, since my experiences were different. In Paris I saw the schools from the outside or from the inside as someone coming in occasionally to talk to the students about music (animations scolaires) whereas in New York I actually had a child in the system.

Q4: What are the positive and negative aspects of public/private education in Paris/France?

I don't know much about private education in France. I think that almost all of it is religious, which can be a good thing or a bad thing depending on what you want! I didn't know any French people whose kids were in private school, but most of them seemed to think that it was a waste of money; that the best schools were public. I thought the public schools seemed to be excellent for the lower grades -- up until the CES, the kids I saw mostly seemed to be interested and engaged in their learning, and discipline problems were minimal. High school is another story -- everyone hears about the soul-killing rote memorization in the lycées. The day is very long for the students, and I think there is very little art or music. French lycéens, at least the ones I knew, do not seem to be particularly happy with their education

Q5: What are the positive and negative aspects of public/private education in New York/USA?

This question is way too complicated to answer in a small space! The good thing about public education is that it's free. The bad thing about private education is that it is VERY expensive. The bad thing about both systems is that they are wildly unfair: some students have access to excellent public or private schools, while some do not. The good schools are very good, but the bad schools are TERRIBLE.

Q6: Generally speaking, the French education is free while the American universities are exorbitant. What is the best answer in terms of " rapport qualité prix"?

You know, I have often wondered that myself! Why do so many foreigners come here when they have less expensive options in their own countries???  I can't imagine!

Martha, je te remercie beaucoup de tout ce que tu a fait pour moi. 

Merci encore de ton travail, je ne serai pas la sans toi...